Consulting Services

I am going to start a consulting service that advises people in unhealthy work circumstances on different lies to employ in order to leave their job gracefully, and without rancor.

I have a number of years of experience and expertise in covering for myself when arriving late to work (in Chicago, my dishwasher broke once every two months, and I got food poisoning at every Thai restaurant in town).

Options for life embellishments include:

  • inventing a fiancée who lives in another city
  • pursuing a graduate degree
  • faking a pregnancy (can be challenging)
  • joining the “Peace Corps” or similar volunteerism abroad
  • becoming a freelance teaching artist/writer/consultant
  • radically redefining your relationship with the Capitalist system and moving to live on a freegan cooperative farm
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