Trying to Enjoy My Sunday

I think this is my last week of temping. I think I will work through Friday and then be “let go.” Despite the fact that they want me to come back to work a big event in a couple of weeks, I am pretty sure this assignment will finally end.

This means that I won’t have any new sources of income until I am placed at a new temp assignment. The first time, it took over a month. Now that I can work full-time and that I am open to temp-to-hire.

I wonder what’s going to happen. I wonder if I could get a decent job as an office manager, with health insurance, where I could eventually negotiate a flexible schedule and afford to take statistics classes at CUNY.

I am afraid I won’t work for another month, and all the money I have been able to save will be gone, again. I am afraid that I will be placed with a job where people who are mean. I am afraid that this is going to be my life permanently.

I am just afraid.

It’s making it hard to enjoy my Sunday. I think I am going to yoga and then to the movies. I need to have a day that a normal person would have, and that a normal person deserves. Don’t I don’t feel normal, because I am probably developing an ulcer.

But despite all of this, I still know that leaving my job was the right thing to do. The panic that I feel at not know what will come next is somehow more manageable than the panic, anger and depression I felt when I was being verbally abused, threatened and forced to work 11 hour days.

I made a mistake being so confident that I would get the job at the major university. I was overly confident. I finally let myself get my hopes up. There are no hopes in a job search, only things that happen and things that don’t. Anything in between is not real.

1 comment
  1. Don’t be too afraid dear, it is scary but definitely survivable. As overwhelming as it all seems just remember, you’re just jobless, it doesn’t reflect on the type of person you are, just your current situation. I’m very much trying to avoid getting my hopes up for the job I’m waiting to hear about on Tuesday. But good luck in the upcoming week! Hopefully you’ll get a bit cheerier as the week goes on.

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