I think this is my last week of temping. I think I will work through Friday and then be “let go.” Despite the fact that they want me to come back to work a big event in a couple of weeks, I am pretty sure this assignment will finally end.
This means that I won’t have any new sources of income until I am placed at a new temp assignment. The first time, it took over a month. Now that I can work full-time and that I am open to temp-to-hire.
I wonder what’s going to happen. I wonder if I could get a decent job as an office manager, with health insurance, where I could eventually negotiate a flexible schedule and afford to take statistics classes at CUNY.
I am afraid I won’t work for another month, and all the money I have been able to save will be gone, again. I am afraid that I will be placed with a job where people who are mean. I am afraid that this is going to be my life permanently.
I am just afraid.
It’s making it hard to enjoy my Sunday. I think I am going to yoga and then to the movies. I need to have a day that a normal person would have, and that a normal person deserves. Don’t I don’t feel normal, because I am probably developing an ulcer.
But despite all of this, I still know that leaving my job was the right thing to do. The panic that I feel at not know what will come next is somehow more manageable than the panic, anger and depression I felt when I was being verbally abused, threatened and forced to work 11 hour days.
I made a mistake being so confident that I would get the job at the major university. I was overly confident. I finally let myself get my hopes up. There are no hopes in a job search, only things that happen and things that don’t. Anything in between is not real.