Here are something that are happening at my temp job that are making me feel really uncomfortable. As you know, I worked at home last week on a variety of projects, using remote access from the server. Apparently, this is not okay, despite the fact that I was given permission to stay home and the walk-bus-walk commute would have taken three hours.
I received several emails over the weekend (sent to my work email account) reminding me just how crucial is was that I arrive at work on Monday, which was never a question, and only contingent on the 4/5 train sunning in to Manhattan again, which it is:
- “Also, we will be full staff in the office on Monday. Pretty much everyone made it in on Thursday and Friday.”
- “Just wanted to say I am looking forward to seeing you in the office in the morning. It’s a BIG week for us!”
- And this, which was sent on Sunday night: “Glad to have you back in the office!”
And then, just now, my boss’s boss’s boss threw “Hey , I haven’t seen you in a week!” at me as she walked through the office. Seriously?
This is activating my intense guilt and feelings of shame and anger that I have about:
1) not being so committed to this job that I would come in during a partial MTA shutdown;
2) that I am a temp and I am angry and incredulous that this kind of passive-aggressive pressure is being put on me when I get paid by someone else by the hour;
3) that I am a temp, period. I hate being an administrative assistant;
4) that all they want is for me to be here, and be present, even though I have very little to do.
Honestly, I am upset, but I know I need to not take any of this personally and just move on with a smile on my face.
This would be a lot easier to do if I wasn’t being asked to plan another girl’s birthday party (whose birthday is the same as mine). I feel really gross right now. I need to work through this, and, again, not take it personally. But I don’t know if I know how to do that.
I wish I was spending the day volunteering, helping with the recovery.